My boyfriend and I have been together for three and a half years, and about eighteen months ago our long term relationship become long distance as well, as we both moved to and began spending the majority of our time living in different cities.
There is absolutely no doubt that long distance, and long term, relationships can be hard. People don’t magically stay together without putting any effort in and, when you’re living separate lives in different places, it gets tough.
I recently watched a YouTube video by Hannah Witton, in which she spoke about her views on whether love was a feeling or a choice. As one half of a long term, long distance relationship, I found this so interesting and I completely agreed with her views, the words she said really resonated with me.
Let me explain…
I don’t think that you can help who you fall in love with, and because of this I believe that love is a feeling. You feel love towards someone.
However, as relationships grow and you are with someone for an increasing amount time, there is no guarantee that you will feel this undying love towards them every single day. Relationships are great, but they all include arguments and just overall bad days.
So, then, you choose to stay in love with them. In a long term relationship you choose to stick around and to stay in love with your partner, you choose not to leave and start the process of falling out of love and getting over them.
So basically, I’m on the fence. I think that initially falling in love is a feeling which is more or less uncontrollable, but I think that staying in love and maintaining a long term relationship is a choice.
Sparks (and by this I basically mean lust) burn out and nothing can ever stay new forever, but from experience I can tell you that maintaining a long distance relationship and choosing to stay in love makes way for much, much more.